The Grey Confessions

While sitting idle(though those moments are rare)..a thought came across my mind..is it possible to manipulate a women’s mind, I know it will be difficult task, but let me give it a try... I might fail to deliver (expected, isn’t it? On which planet do men deliver?)Please bear with me. After all, the first question ‘what women want’ still remains unanswered.

Women need security. She has two issues to sort before she is even willing to let you get close enough so you can attempt a manipulation.

1) Is she feeling safe with you?

2) Is she feeling safe from the World when she is with you?

Remember, this is why a woman never falls in love at first sight. One doesn’t get to know the bank balance at first sight.

If your answer to the above two questions is ‘Yes’ you are a star and you have every right to continue reading this article. Other men may as well pick up the latest PlayBoy and head to their favorite corner.

What politicians are to the citizens of a democracy, men are to the women. We never vote for the best politician (for there aren’t any) …we always end up voting for the least corrupt. Similarly, women are forced to choose the one who is the least likely to mess up their lives – which is anyway going around and around in cycles. Period.

It is this need for security and the ability to compromise, that makes a woman prefer the guy who offered to pay the bill, though he took her to a cheap restaurant.

Never walk into the restaurant and say magnanimously: “We will go Dutch…but I will take care of the tip myself.” This just might tip the scales in favour of the guy she had been keeping aside as Plan B.

But taking her to a restaurant and paying the bill might NOT make her trust you. She might start thinking, “This guy takes me to a restaurant, and pays for my dinner. Something is definitely fishy.”

If she wasn’t already on guard with you, this act of yours will put her on guard. You might not be able to read her mind, but she can read 100s of permutations & combinations into your single smile.

Mind you, women are always on guard …which helps them in their search for ‘security’. It is as if they see these boards (see pics) everywhere they go.

In a way, we men have made the women such experts in sensing the dangers nearby.

Not wanting to be left behind, the Indian Navy has decided to give up its gender bias and plans to use a woman’s seventh sense…there will be a woman in every sea-going submarine.

This woman will have to look out for dangers under the sea. Navy has SONAR etc….but apparently they aren’t as effective. The bill hasn’t been passed in the Parliament yet…our MPs are debating over the Indian Navy’s suggestion that the woman be tied to the nose of the submarine.

Anyway once you have won over her confidence…and made her feel safe with you and from the World, when she is with you…she is ready to be manipulated.

My dear men (women, you still reading?)…there are two things you need to know about a woman:

1) Women have the inherent need to know everything

2) Women love to be flattered

Women have this inner need to know everything about the man they are interested in or have ended up marrying. Talk to her…not just about cricket scores or the latest youtube video you saw on the net. Talk to her about what you did in office, what you ate for lunch, what you spoke of when you met your colleagues in the loo, what you were thinking while driving your car back from office, what her mother in law thinks of her, what her sister in law said about her…just about everything.

On the Flattery front, here are a few stock sentences that you can use to flatter her and once she is flattered, you can manipulate the hell out of her. Remember, you are dealing with a person with a seventh sense for security…so be careful.

1) Are you dieting? Or is it the gym? You are definitely losing weight

2) Where did you get that skirt? Goes really well with those shoes.

3) Did you do something to your hair today? I am seeing something extra.

4) I was walking just behind you…and guess what, when you walked past that bus stop…all the men fainted.

5) You have such nice skin. I knew you had reached Chennai even before I had landed in Chennai.

There are certain things you should never tell a woman. Even if it sounds ok to you, as a man. Sentences like:

1) If I were only half as good looking as you are…I would be your company’s CEO

2) You have such nice skin. Wish I had that too….darn these rashes!

3) Where did you get that skirt? Would love to see them crushed on the floor

4) What deo do you use? I was walking just behind you and when you walked past that bus stop…all the men fainted.

5) Did you do something to your hair today? I am an extra dosage on your shirt today

While you try these out on the women in your lives, do let me know the success rate..maybe I would get a Nobel for solving the most complex “question’ of our time…