The Sins

Its probably the first time ever that I realise this...through all of these 6 years that I ve been working and lived through new shades and seasons of life..I ve parted with something that I may never regain...my innocence.Its strange how for winning in a race,I never paused to think of what I have left behind forever.

My values have changed,I have imbibed arrogance,even a tinge of manipulation or diplomacy
And now I yearn to go back to my roots.I want to go back to being a simple vulnerable guy who was capable of crying when it hurt.A child who's innocence shone right through his face.
A man who viewed world in just two hues,black or white,right or wrong,moral or immoral. I know the line between the two blurs as we grow up with realities of everyday life.Come to think of it,I didnt even go through transient phase of dilemma, the transition just happened.
I learnt the rules of survival pretty quick.

Everything around is available for 'exchange',everything is quantifiable,there's a cost benefit analysis preceding every decision of mine.I think solely in terms of my gain,my pleasure.
And yet there's no sense of guilt even though I have almost put a price tag on my body and soul while chasing materialism shamelessly.Rationality has superceded my emotionality...I ll keep in touch with a friend only if he/she does,otherwise am as busy as he/she is.And yet being part of this multitude,I dont miss friendship.I miss love though.
Even though my faith has dwindled and I ve witnessed enough infidelity,there's something that makes me want to believe in fairy tales,in virtues of trust and committment...you know the kind of romance that is practically unheard of these dayse,one that survives years of separation and distance and is still flaming.

I want to distill my soul, wipe away the blemishes,undo the hurt and rekindle the faith.I dont want to be soaked in succulence of momemtary pleasure,that gives me an illusion of being sucked up inside a black hole,like a flight into the unknown,where even if I grople for truth,I wont find any.

Can I go back to being untouched?Untarnished?Unadulterated?Unhurt by toxic veracity...can I free myself??

17 Comments:

  1. Life with Kaishon said...
    I think this is something that happens to all of us as we get older. We change. We do better at some parts of our lives and worse in others : ) The most important thing is to always be aware and to be striving to be the best person we can be! What do you think?
    Maggie May said...
    Sounds like you have been hurt. I don't think it is possible to go back, but we can build on the experiences that have been negative and use them as strengths. We all have things that we would like to change in our lives. I think that is fairly normal.
    Thanks for visiting me. You have a good blog too!

    Nuts in May
    Cara S. said...
    awesome post. I struggle with this a lot. I could read this post over and over...I have no idea how I landed on your page but I know it was meant to be :) I added myself as a follower. If you get a chance stop by and see me too.
    DayDreamer said...
    Thankx guys..for such wonderful comments..

    Great motivation..for me..
    MissJody said...
    Thank you visiting my blog ;)
    I do have to say Sir- My blog is no way as interesting as yours!!

    Great Blog :)
    I'm now a follower...Ta-Da!
    Amity Me said...
    i can again relate to this.

    how could you write such a post like this without hurting or feeling what you're writing?

    are you hurting? me? so much!!!
    Amity Me said...
    i will surely be looking forward to new posts especially if its about falling out of love, of hurting, of disappointments...Peace!!!
    DayDreamer said...
    @Amity Me: Thanks So much for such wonderful comments..i would surely try to keep you hooked to my blog with such realities about life n me..
    gLoBe TrOtTeR said...
    Wht made u write abt dis?
    ChinkyGirLMeL said...
    wow, your posts are really deep and has me thinking about a lot of things as well. will be coming back to read more of your posts. =)
    DayDreamer said...
    @ChinkyGirLMeL: I value your comments and appreciation..thanks a lot for stopping by..
    rush_me said...
    "I dont miss friendship.I miss love though."

    I loved this line..!!
    Its so true..and this post of yours just made e realise my morals that have gone with the wind..I mean, litrally..!
    I could honestly relate myself to this. I remember a time when I was a people person. I used to find my fix in people, loved being around with them.
    But in time I realised that I trusted people but not the devil inside them. They came as sch disappointment to me.The more surprising fact is, you cant really blame them, coz someone right now maybe saying this same thing in reference to us. So does that mean people are unintentionally selfish and downtrodden without even realising it, just like us at the end of the day..?!

    And Plus you think beatifully.! And this write up just says this.
    Thumbs up to you..! :-)
    rush_me said...
    This whole para I wrote is going on my blog..! :-P :-P
    DayDreamer said...
    Rush_Me: After reading your comments...am just speechless..

    U have written it so beautifully..

    There could not have been a better summation to this post..

    Well I would ove if you could frame a whole story around your comment in the form of post..
    :-)
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