Its probably the first time ever that I realise this...through all of these 6 years that I ve been working and lived through new shades and seasons of life..I ve parted with something that I may never regain...my innocence.Its strange how for winning in a race,I never paused to think of what I have left behind forever.
My values have changed,I have imbibed arrogance,even a tinge of manipulation or diplomacy
And now I yearn to go back to my roots.I want to go back to being a simple vulnerable guy who was capable of crying when it hurt.A child who's innocence shone right through his face.
A man who viewed world in just two hues,black or white,right or wrong,moral or immoral. I know the line between the two blurs as we grow up with realities of everyday life.Come to think of it,I didnt even go through transient phase of dilemma, the transition just happened.
I learnt the rules of survival pretty quick.
Everything around is available for 'exchange',everything is quantifiable,there's a cost benefit analysis preceding every decision of mine.I think solely in terms of my gain,my pleasure.
And yet there's no sense of guilt even though I have almost put a price tag on my body and soul while chasing materialism shamelessly.Rationality has superceded my emotionality...I ll keep in touch with a friend only if he/she does,otherwise am as busy as he/she is.And yet being part of this multitude,I dont miss friendship.I miss love though.
Even though my faith has dwindled and I ve witnessed enough infidelity,there's something that makes me want to believe in fairy tales,in virtues of trust and committment...you know the kind of romance that is practically unheard of these dayse,one that survives years of separation and distance and is still flaming.
I want to distill my soul, wipe away the blemishes,undo the hurt and rekindle the faith.I dont want to be soaked in succulence of momemtary pleasure,that gives me an illusion of being sucked up inside a black hole,like a flight into the unknown,where even if I grople for truth,I wont find any.
Can I go back to being untouched?Untarnished?Unadulterated?Unhurt by toxic veracity...can I free myself??
What is this life if, full of care,
We have no time to stand and stare.
No time to stand beneath the boughs
And stare as long as sheep or cows.
No time to see, when woods we pass,
Where squirrels hide their nuts in grass.
No time to see, in broad daylight,
Streams full of stars, like skies at night.
No time to turn at Beauty's glance,
And watch her feet, how they can dance.
No time to wait till her mouth can
Enrich that smile her eyes began.
A poor life this if, full of care,
We have no time to stand and stare.
......W.H. Davies
While going through my blog list came across post by noted writer Shobhaa De about the death of female child..by the hands of their own mother and grand mother..
Reasons:
1. Husband did not want them to come back home with a girl child
2. Grandmother stated that she was sure the babies would suffer from deformities after coming out of the incubator, so, in any case their lives were worthless.
Ghastly and heinous crimes in the eyes of many of murdering some one. But actually who is responsible the mother who committed or the husband or grandmother who made her commit this crime.
Perhaps its none of them but us. A helpless society who raises "hue and Cry" about the situataion when its over. Had there been an awareness and help for such mothers..am sure none of the mothers would have actually done it..
Till that time we need to accept this harsh reality that its lack of efforts from our end..that has resulted in such a heinous crime..
Here is my small beginning from me to raise an awareness about such crimes..Step in and lets make a collective effort to stop this..
Read the full article at: Can it get worse?
1. I'm suffering from a semi-minor bout of writer's block. It seems like I'm busy juggling all aspects of my life and can't find the time or space to write or really think about everything.
2. Busy with the job. It's nothing close to what I've done these last 6 years and honestly, that's why I took it up(well maybe not). It's different, I've got a lot to learn and it's OK, so all's fine for now.
3. Thought on my mind: Newton's law states, for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. If you push against something, it pushes back with the same force. The more you struggle, the more your struggles are futile. Guess could see the silver lining..
4. My brain is stuck writing just this post. I mean, seriously, it's a list, an update of sorts. And I can't even get it down?
5. All right, so really? I don't think I can handle thinking too much (or over-analyzing) right now because my life is requiring more emotion from me than it has in a long time, and that makes me extremely vulnerable, and it's dangerous for a vulnerable D to over-analyze and obsess and tune in to his fears and worries. So, for the sake of, you know, my freaking sanity, I'm trying with all my might to be normal about this.
