The Grey Confessions

New Year’s Day is almost here; the start of a new calendar year and a time when we all seem to give in to the imperative to renew and remake ourselves.

Are you planning on losing 5 lbs?
Taking up an exercise program?
Stop (a) smoking (b) overeating or (c) overspending?

Well different people have different wishes & resolutions..but for me..its plain and simple..I just want my life to to be "still" not that I hate progress and do not have aspirations..

Sometimes I just sit down and think..that with every passing year life gets tough and more complicated..

• Oh I am so envious of the little kid who does not have to care about anything happening in this world..
• I get goosebumps thinking about my school life..crushes..girls..fights..
• I miss my college life..late night parties..bunking lectures..last minute preps before the exams..

But I guess changes are part of life and every New Year brings - Inevitable "Changes".

I feel some changes coming...good changes of course! Not only for me but for everyone associated with me..

As My Angel always says to me - When the WHOLE WORLD says "Give up", HOPE whispers ' One more time"

We will open the book. Its pages are blank. We are going to put words on them ourselves. The book is called Opportunity and its first chapter is New Year's Day.

Here is Wishing you a Very Happy New Year!!

Hello my fellow bloggers.

I hope you all are having a nice Christmas holiday season.

Anyway, I have been off site for longer than I care to, due to a steadily increasingly busy schedule, both personally and professionally.

More of it could be professionally, have been going through a mental block. Don't know whether it just happens with me or does everyone face it sometime!

I just couldn't write anymore. I still haven't been able to figure out why, but I could not. After my last post there was sort of a perpetual block.There were so many things on my mind which I wished to write about but when it actually came to penning it down, I was lost.

I kind of developed a major "depression". Though I feel that depression might be a bit too strong word to explain my state. It goes like that for me. I have periods of relative stability and then weeks of being your regular zombie. I WANTED to write. But I couldn't. There really isn't a good example to explain this. But when I get in that mode, I simply don't want to do anything.

And it's not just with writing. It's with even the most basic things. I really shouldn't be doing this. But I'm only sharing it because I think people need more than just, "I couldn't write."

For a person who makes his living out of "Writing", I could not write seems to be lame excuse. But it's true.

But on the brighter side am back and back for good, with lots of thoughts and determination. Writing these many paragraphs in the past few weeks for my blog certify's that am on stage of recovery.

Initially,I considered simply not addressing my long absence at all. But it seemed likely people would wonder why I would have been gone for so long from a blog I myself created. Yet, the reasons for my absence were not particularly interesting.

So with this post, I acknowledge my absence and register an intention not to let there be so long an absence again.

I only want to say that I want to continue to be a part of this and not just as an observer.

Got a lot to catch upon!!

Wishing you all a Happy New Year!!

Being relatively new to the blogging world..I did not expect any award, when I started..but for me nearly all the best things that I have in my life have been unexpected and unplanned..

So it was little unexpected but extremely heartening when I got my first award for my blog from fellow blogger SmileyFreak - An extremely talented blogger with a great sense of humor and a magician of words.Thanks a ton mate for this award - This being the first award for my blog, would always hold a special place for me..

Also a big thanks to all the fellow bloggers who take out their time to read through my random posts and leave their valuable comments and suggestions..

So as they say with great awards comes great responsibilities(Poor Joke - Sorry but could not find a better line..Hope you like the tweak..) here are some rules


1. Thank whoever gave this to you

2. Copy award

3. Post it in your blog

4. Tell us 7 things that your readers don’t know

5. Link 7 new bloggers

6. Notify winners of the award with a comment on their blog

7. Most of all - Keep being awesome!


Did You Know.....


1. I love cooking. If I had an option to sit back at home and cook food, while my wife/gf goes for work, I wont mind.

2. I just have two colors in my wardrobe - Black and white.

3. During school days, I got myself enrolled in a "Painting Class" to meet a girl on whom I had a crush. Though I really sucked at painting. (As I write this I am wondering where is she now?)

4. I am scared of syringes.

5. I live and breathe competition. This goes for sports, work and even conversations; I can't help it and it sometimes aggravates people but I definitely don't like to lose.

6. I don’t have a creative bone in my body. I can’t draw, paint, play an instrument, sing, or dance. Nope, nada, not a one. That’s probably why I am so passionate about music and the arts. The ability for a human to create, draw or paint a life-like image just stirs me to my soul. (Yeah, and I am jealous too.)

7. I love getting drenched in rains.(Many a times have just walked out on the streets or on the terrace to get drenched in rain)

8. I think there are two types of people in this world, those who can count to seven and those who can't.( Gotcha!!..A mischievous smile)

Oh I so wish..I could give this award to every blogger that I follow, but unfortunately..am bound by the terms and conditions..
So without any further ado I award this award to:

Chocolate Lover: Love the poems..they are so AWESOME
Amity ME: Great creative posts
Angel6033: Honest and unique
SiD "Ravan" Kabe: For giving me daily dose of laughter
Girl Next Door: For those thoughtful and meaningful posts
Sulagna: Reading her posts is just pure fun( Reminds me of the Indian in me)
ChinkyGirLMeL: Because..because..I Just like them..

Congratulations to all!!

When the clouds show no promise of a silver lining, there is grief and there are many ways of dealing with this sadness.

"What colour is the sky?", the teacher asked the little boy. The image of the sky he'd seen just before class flashed past the boy’s mind.

An image so clear and powerful that it made him forget all about what he'd been taught at school over the preceding few months, and he blurted out his answer, "White". The kids laughed.
It became the joke of the day, one that would unite them all in good-humored conversation but be easily forgotten by the next day. But the boy remembered. Till much later.

Because he never understood why everyone said the sky was blue when it wasn't. It confused him. It was white, most of the time. There were times when it was yellow, or orange. It was black every night. He had seen blue in it too, but only occasionally.
And then those rare times when he saw shades of pink.
The poor thing could never quite make up his mind about the colour of the sky. Among many other things.

“Every child is an artist. The problem is how to remain an artist once we grow up.”

Click on the image for a Blow-up



Found it while browsing through one of the sites and thought of sharing this..Found it really hilarious..

Keep smiling..

Sometimes people come into your life
And you know right away that they were meant to be there.
To serve some sort of purpose, teach you a lesson,
Or to help you figure out who you are or what you are..

Sitting in the cubicle of his office he had nothing better to do then to just surf websites and remain engrossed in them, he was always a loner, a “Dreamer” you might say..

Off late he had been smoking a lot (He knew he would have to cut down on the number..if not stop it completely) But did he actually care about it- “No”..

So it was just another day in office. Most of his days where pretty much the same. Work!! Work!! And More Work!! That was the only way he could take his mind off the pain and sorrow he had been going through.
One boring day he stumbled across a cute picture of a lady smiling courtesy his habit of surfing websites(She was cute that's what he thought) Dressed in pink she looked like a cute teddy- the one that girls go completely ga-ga over.
He sent a “ Friend Request" to her..hoping that she would "Reject" it..

After all he was a strangely introverted lad with dreamy eyes, no one had ever associated him with any act of bravado especially when it came to love.

But Surprise! Surprise!..she accepted and that's how they kicked off..

She was full of questions. It was as if she was holding something back for years. What’s this? What’s that? It was irritating but he loved it. He was getting the much needed attention that had very much phased out from his life. He was lonely and he needed it and perhaps so was she.

The couple were separated by different time zones..distances which neither of them could cross.. when one fine day..she took a step to erase out the distance and call him. It was the loveliest voice he had heard in years. Just like the chirping of those lovely birds. Her giggles were so musical and timely as if she had been practicing it for years till she mastered them.

Those words and giggles gave him the strength to hold onto his scattered life. But the distance was just too much and her assurances were not working any more. Well guess it was the end after all, isn’t this the way most long distance relationship’s end?

"NO"
Sometimes love is stronger than a man's convictions.

Said the Lords of Heaven. They met, yes after a year of holding onto each other and six months of expressing their undying love for each other they met.

She was beautiful just as he had thought she would be. They were meeting for the first time but it never seemed like the first.


It seemed they had known each other from years before. Maybe they had been together in their past life(But he rubbished the idea as he did not believe in the concept of rebirth and neither did she)

"Love has no other desire but to fulfill itself. To melt and be like a running brook that sings its melody to the night. To wake at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving.”

Her long lost faith in love was restored and so was her faith in MEN, LOVE & LIFE.

The romance continued and kept on growing as years passed by. The tiny spark that ignited when they first saw each other was now a powerful flame. Even after four years, the love for each other remained but now was the time when he had to make a choice.

He had to answer the toughest question of his life. When would he marry her or rather Should he marry her? After all four years were good enough time to know a person right?

This question was slowly eating him up and he was wondering what the answer to this question would be.
Posing in front of the World's Best known monument of Love..he knew he had figured out the answer..the answer that would make them Happy.

"She was his sunshine and he could not let anyone take his sunshine away from him"

The doubts and hesitations had cleared. The skies had opened up and it started to rain.

The rain stormed down and swept away the inhibitions that he had in his mind…

Ain't no sunshine when she's gone
And this house just ain't no home
Anytime she goes away…

Actually intended to write a post about the Halloween or something more funny.. but somehow it’s just no more on my mind. Was going through news today and got stuck on a particular piece of news.

http://www.mercurynews.com/breaking-news/ci_13690105

Neon lights and heavy music, sweat and perfumes and deos, almost killing one of the five senses, in trance and hypnotised bodies.. grooving to the unidentifiable beats.. who cared for music.. when an unattained state of nirvana was all the fever of the night..

Contagious, yes it was.. for every one who stepped into THE CLUB..

She was taken in by that fever too as she entered the disc that night, dressed in a black and grey spaghetti and low waist jeans. She gelled in with the crowd, both attire and attitude wise.

After a few swigs of tequila shots, a state of loose control had taken over her mind. Her friends, who she had come with were lost in the crowd and so was she. But there was someone who had just found her and noticed her.

Too much of tequila and dancing had induced a sort of a sick feeling in her. A breath of fresh air would have perhaps relaxed her. She made her way to the door brushing past the "in-trance" crowd. In the darkness and with a beating brain, she could hardly see the door, but she did manage to reach it..

And the door closed behind her as she walked out..

The next morning as she opened her eyes and perhaps her mind she was in an hospital with bruises all over her body and yes.. her brain.. and now her life!!

They said she had wronged by wearing revealing and seditious clothes and then toppping it all by drinking tequila.

A woman, they say should always.. always.. always.. never do what she did..!!

But was it her who had SINNED or WE?

Have been trying for quite some time to finish up a book that I bought and I successfully managed to do it last night.

The Book: The Bastard of Istanbul
Author: Elif Shafak

"The Bastard of Istanbul," set in the United States and Turkey, concerns two families — one Turkish, living in Istanbul and the other Armenian, divided between Tucson, Arizona and San Francisco.

The Bastard of Istanbul refers to 19-year-old Asya, a rebellious young Turkish woman who simply adores Johnny Cash's music. She lives in a household with her mother and aunts and her only uncle has emigrated to America. Her uncle's Armenian-American stepdaughter, Armanoush, sneaks off to Istanbul to learn more about her Armenian past. Asya and Armanoush become good friends, intrigued by each other's culture.

The family this young woman encounters is a confusing swirl of four generations of women that includes a great-grandmother suffering from Alzheimer's disease; a disapproving, distant and angry grandmother; her four daughters; and one great-granddaughter. The eldest daughter is a self- styled Muslim mystic; another is a high school teacher, and yet another a schizophrenic. The youngest runs a tattoo parlor and has an illegitimate daughter, the bastard of the novel's title.

The story like a roller coaster ride has its up's and downs and results in a secret hat links the two families pasts, tracing back to the 1915 Armenian deportations and massacres.

I loved the wry humor and the social observations, as well as the author putting the personal lives of her people in a larger political tableau.

The one thing that you cannot miss about the book is that it truly describes life..its complications. That is how I have known my life to be.. full of entangles and complications.

The characters in The Bastard of Istanbul are so alive they leap off the page to sit beside you on the couch. What women! Brave ones, silly ones, intellectuals and dopes.

Right now after reading the book my mind is clogged with so many questions-

What if we learn brutal truths about our families’ pasts? What if we learn about the atrocities from which we are all descended? Are we victims? Are we perpetrators? Aren’t we all suffering the consequences? Once we gain knowledge of the truth of our past, what should we do with that knowledge?

Grrrrrrrr......wish I had the answers to it..

Will try figuring out the answers..Till then in the words of the lead character of the book..

"Whatever falls from the sky above, thou shall not curse it..That includes the rain..."

P.S. Do let me know about any good books that you would suggest me to read.Thanks!!

Its probably the first time ever that I realise this...through all of these 6 years that I ve been working and lived through new shades and seasons of life..I ve parted with something that I may never regain...my innocence.Its strange how for winning in a race,I never paused to think of what I have left behind forever.

My values have changed,I have imbibed arrogance,even a tinge of manipulation or diplomacy
And now I yearn to go back to my roots.I want to go back to being a simple vulnerable guy who was capable of crying when it hurt.A child who's innocence shone right through his face.
A man who viewed world in just two hues,black or white,right or wrong,moral or immoral. I know the line between the two blurs as we grow up with realities of everyday life.Come to think of it,I didnt even go through transient phase of dilemma, the transition just happened.
I learnt the rules of survival pretty quick.

Everything around is available for 'exchange',everything is quantifiable,there's a cost benefit analysis preceding every decision of mine.I think solely in terms of my gain,my pleasure.
And yet there's no sense of guilt even though I have almost put a price tag on my body and soul while chasing materialism shamelessly.Rationality has superceded my emotionality...I ll keep in touch with a friend only if he/she does,otherwise am as busy as he/she is.And yet being part of this multitude,I dont miss friendship.I miss love though.
Even though my faith has dwindled and I ve witnessed enough infidelity,there's something that makes me want to believe in fairy tales,in virtues of trust and committment...you know the kind of romance that is practically unheard of these dayse,one that survives years of separation and distance and is still flaming.

I want to distill my soul, wipe away the blemishes,undo the hurt and rekindle the faith.I dont want to be soaked in succulence of momemtary pleasure,that gives me an illusion of being sucked up inside a black hole,like a flight into the unknown,where even if I grople for truth,I wont find any.

Can I go back to being untouched?Untarnished?Unadulterated?Unhurt by toxic veracity...can I free myself??

What is this life if, full of care,
We have no time to stand and stare.

No time to stand beneath the boughs
And stare as long as sheep or cows.

No time to see, when woods we pass,
Where squirrels hide their nuts in grass.

No time to see, in broad daylight,
Streams full of stars, like skies at night.

No time to turn at Beauty's glance,
And watch her feet, how they can dance.

No time to wait till her mouth can
Enrich that smile her eyes began.

A poor life this if, full of care,
We have no time to stand and stare.

......W.H. Davies

While going through my blog list came across post by noted writer Shobhaa De about the death of female child..by the hands of their own mother and grand mother..


Reasons:
1. Husband did not want them to come back home with a girl child
2. Grandmother stated that she was sure the babies would suffer from deformities after coming out of the incubator, so, in any case their lives were worthless.

Ghastly and heinous crimes in the eyes of many of murdering some one. But actually who is responsible the mother who committed or the husband or grandmother who made her commit this crime.

Perhaps its none of them but us. A helpless society who raises "hue and Cry" about the situataion when its over. Had there been an awareness and help for such mothers..am sure none of the mothers would have actually done it..

Till that time we need to accept this harsh reality that its lack of efforts from our end..that has resulted in such a heinous crime..

Here is my small beginning from me to raise an awareness about such crimes..Step in and lets make a collective effort to stop this..

Read the full article at: Can it get worse?

1. I'm suffering from a semi-minor bout of writer's block. It seems like I'm busy juggling all aspects of my life and can't find the time or space to write or really think about everything.

2. Busy with the job. It's nothing close to what I've done these last 6 years and honestly, that's why I took it up(well maybe not). It's different, I've got a lot to learn and it's OK, so all's fine for now.

3. Thought on my mind: Newton's law states, for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. If you push against something, it pushes back with the same force. The more you struggle, the more your struggles are futile. Guess could see the silver lining..

4. My brain is stuck writing just this post. I mean, seriously, it's a list, an update of sorts. And I can't even get it down?

5. All right, so really? I don't think I can handle thinking too much (or over-analyzing) right now because my life is requiring more emotion from me than it has in a long time, and that makes me extremely vulnerable, and it's dangerous for a vulnerable D to over-analyze and obsess and tune in to his fears and worries. So, for the sake of, you know, my freaking sanity, I'm trying with all my might to be normal about this.

As I sit gazing at my computer screen there are so many thoughts floating in my mind at the same time..

Let me see if I could offer you a sneak peek into my genius mind..

1. What color shirt should I Buy?

2. I need to look for more colors( My wardrobe lacks color just blacks and whites)

3. Need to watch a movie with "N"

4. "Dil Bole Hadippa" would be a Flop (This is what I think please do go and watch it as I am not psychic and cannot predict future)

5. Thinking about trip to Agra (Will post about it later)

6. Taj Mahal was awesome

7. Wish I could eat those kulfi's I had at Agra (They were the best I ever had)

8. Oh Yeah it's Friday (So two days off..)

9. Wish I had loads of Money to buy me a car :-(

10. Can't come up with any new ideas for my blog

11. How can people write so creatively?

12. I think I should quit smoking altogether(Mind You I was successful with the alcohol)

13. What should I buy For G's brother wedding?

14. What did I give "N" as a B'day gift this Year?

15. Wish somebody could gift me an I-phone

16. Will India be the no 1 cricket team? (I am confident they have the potential)

17. It's been a long time I played cricket.

18. Eagerly waiting to upload the pictures of Agra Trip

19. Need to download some new songs

20. Maybe I should cook something over the weekend (Yes I can cook and cook better than many of the ladies I know..sorry..no offence meant)

While penning down my random thoughts I was struck by little wisdom and thought I should share it. Afterall it's my blog and my space so why shouldn’t I be the one who decides things.

Wise men say "It’s easy to lie" but is it really true..Don’t think so..

To be honest telling a lie is as complicated as telling the truth. The moment someone asks you a question for example there are so many permutations and combinations that go into framing an answer. You dont' think so..ok here is an example.

Boss: Why where you late today?
Me: Oh Boss!! sorry about it but I had to go to the hospital?

May sound as a simple answer but in reality you would have thought of so many things before letting out the answer.

Why am I Late?
Flat Tires No..that is such a primitive excuse..come on D..you are more creative than this..
Traffic Jam..what if he used the same route to reach office..No way..
Hospital yes that’s it…OK I had to go to the hospital..

Which Hospital did I go to?
Has to be close to my house cant name one which is located far..
Testing my geographical knowledge..1.2..3..yes that's it..xxx hospital

What Happened?
Oh what I am suffering from..Maybe cold..No..he would know am lying I don’t have running nose or heavy voice..
How about Headache..who goes to hospital for headache..Stomach ache maybe..But I do not want to miss out on the lunch they are serving..was planning to take an extra helping..I am so hungry
Oh yes..I had get myself checked for Swine Flu..have been feeling weak since past few ays..Wow am genius..No but what if he asks for the reports..ok..I need to think fast fast..yes
One of my relatives wasn't well..of course he is not going to ask you for a prescription in that case..Ok who should he be..some uncle..(Does it really matter at that point of time?)

Ok now that you have done the mis-en-palce for the answer lets concentrate on looks..I have to look sad..as though I have been starving..and not slept for God knows how long.

Now did it work?

Boss: Oh I am sorry. Hope he is fine. Just let me know if you need any help.
Me: Sure Boss!! Thanks a lot!!

My Genius Mind: D! You are genius boy. You should have been an actor. Guess only if you had the looks and physique.

Three Cheers to this thing called mind..(Hip Hip Hurray!)

Women!!Women!!Women!!

can't live with them, can't live without them...

but this is one species that god created and he's still laughing... at himself and his creativity...

well hold it... all your angst against me and before you count me one among those innumerable MCP's... that you already know...

i do... and i really do... respect them for what they are and all that a woman symbolises... all the strength that she represents both for herself and her family... she is the pillar which holds a house together...

god was very thoughtful when he made a woman... he gave them all that he knew that a man was'nt worth giving... for he had made the man weak hearted... for he had made man weak brained... all that he gave man was physical strength...

god made woman a mother... the most precious of his blessings...

he gave HER the responsibility to carry a child in her womb... for he knew that only she could handle the preciousness of the most virtous of his blessings... for he knew only she was sensible enough to know and understand the value of his blessing...

((just another of the reasons probably that atheists like me talk of god once in a while... cos no supernatural power could have made something so perfect as a women...))

if all this, then why? why? why?

· WHY ALL THE TALK ABOUT WOMENS LIBERATION??

· WHY ALL THE CALL AND DEMAND FOR RESERVATIONS AND CONCESSIONS FOR WOMEN??

· WHY IS IT THAT COURTESY, MANNERS AND SPECIAL TREATMENT ARE EXPECTEED WHEN DEALING WITH THEM??

i might have triggered those anti ME nerves in you again, but... seriously, if all that they want is to stand equal to us men... then why not fight it along with us... shoulder to shoulder?

even we are struggling today... the competition is just as equal everywhere... it is not ruled by the discrimination of sexes...

(( sonia gandhi... a girl from some far flung italian town who probably in her wildest dreams wouldn't have thought of commanding a position that she holds today...of course it was her sheer potential that she saved CONGRESS from going down the drains... and i don't say this out of any regards for the political party... IT IS ALL THE WOMEN'S AUSTERITY THAT SHE COMMANDS AND HOLDS THE POWER AND THE KEY TO HER OWN FUTURE AND THE FUTURE OF THE PEOPLE AROUND HER...))

what i mean to say is that women are going places...but still, i know, you know, we all know... women DO let us know and keep us reminded that they are women... and they need to be treated VERY SPECIFICALLY as women...

you notice it everywhere... at office, at social events, at parties, in public transport they expect us to get up and offer them seats... ((they call it gentlemanly... ooh gimme a break...!!))

grow up gals and all those who'd wanted to be called ladies...

BE A WOMEN TO BE TREATED AS A WOMAN... AND IF YOU WANNA FIGHT THE BATTLE... STAND SHOULDER TO SHOULDER WITH US WHEN IT COMES TO CAREER AND LIFE...

YOU ARE THE PILLARS THAT SUPPORT OUR EXISTENCE... AND WE PROBABLY WOULDN'T EVEN SURVIVE WITHOUT YOU... FORGET SURVIVING, WE WOULDN'T EXIST WITHOUT YOU...

SO BE WHAT YOU ARE... BUT BE ON ONE SIDE... ((EITHER CAREERS OR EITHER WOMEN...))

PRESERVE YOUR "YOU"... probably a lot of houses will be happier if a women strenghthens her stand in the family... in the house... in the society... in HER life...